Ah, adolescence. It’s great, right? It’s the absolute best time in one’s life. You’re young, you’re probably beautiful, you break rules and you party hard. In general, you’re the epitome of cool. Adults don’t get you, but they wish they did. They remember, from the sad trough of their encumbered maturity, the sheer delight of their own youthful peaks: they resent yours, and probably insist that you do your homework or something, only because they want to punish you for having what they have long since lost.
I mean, that’s what adolescence looks like when you’ve got a good production team. Let’s look back — way, way back — to the Shangri-Las. They’re brazen, they’re vibrant, they kiss bad boys, and they’re wearing terrific boots.
And remember Britney before her decline? So young, so vibrant, so coyly rebellious.So polished, so impressively choreographed and costumed…
Of course, the best teenagers are, very often young adults with top-notch production teams. Lately, we’ve had Ke$ha and Katy Perry. There’s some ambiguity in their presentation: Katy Perry says that her lover “make[s her] feel like a teenage dream”, and it’s entirely possible that Ke$ha has the bicycle because she lost her license, not because she’s too young to have one. But even if they’re playing at being teenagers, they’re doing a very good job…
And really, good for them. There’s something delightful about this sort of performance, yes?
But — what if you’re, say, an actual teenager, and your production team sucks? Well, you might just make the mistake of releasing a video that’s not a delightful performance of a classic teenage archetype. You might end up singing words that sound like they were written by a kid, and that include a way-too-bourgie reference to the most important meal of the day. You might be seen associating, in public, with girls who wear braces. When you sing, it might be apparent to the general public that your voice is not yet developed or trained.
You might, in short, reveal the flat reality of middle-class adolescent life. You might remind a broad swath of the public about how boring and awkward they were at thirteen: about how they once wrote shitty rhyming poetry in spiral-bound notebooks, and were super-excited to have Friday night plans involving Sprite, pretzels, and a movie rental. You might remind a different swath of the public about all the fun they imagined cute girls with terrific hair to have on Friday nights, and yet another swath of the contempt they felt for putatively shallow girls like you, as they stayed home immersed in some geek passion (computer programming? indie pop? dystopian fiction?).
As a result, you will be told that you suck, and that you are an affront to the ears and refined sensibilities of pop-music connoisseurs.
I don’t want to defend Rebecca Black’s musical talent, and I might indeed have some harsh words for the people who let her become so public with so little training and preparation. I don’t want to claim that Friday is a triumph of adolescent authenticity: the song and video come across as artless and clumsy because they are basically artless and clumsy. (And, let’s be clear: even those girls with the good hair and the Sprite have, at thirteen, a depth of mind and spirit that this song can’t access.)
But I firmly believe that when music makes people really, really angry, it’s got very little to do with sound or musicianship itself — and I think that this is a terrific case in point. Rebecca Black is a bad singer? Sure. Her lyrics are inane? Oh yes. She’s not a real artist, and her song is a straight-up commercial product? Okay, I’ll buy that. But on the whole, you could level those criticisms at a pretty huge proportion of pop performers. The real vitriol in the reaction to Rebecca Black has a lot less to do with musical aesthetics than with the aesthetics of imagined adolescence. She’s not a sex kitten or a rebel; she does her homework, sets her alarm clock, and wakes up in the morning wearing a t-shirt her mom probably bought at Target. She offers us not the thrilling prospect of transgression or erotic frenzy, but instead a bleak reminder of our own middle-class banality and naivété.
And — okay, I’m not sure we need that kind of bourgeois seventh-grade vérité, but I also think that we don’t need to punish a seventh grader for indulging it. It’s not her fault that we’re boring too.








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